I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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