i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
