Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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