I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no, he came in my armpit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
