yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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