careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize