whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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