he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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