I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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