YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
