I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
