the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
