I will die if light touches me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
