I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
