Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
