ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
