Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
