so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
