Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
