I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
