I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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