areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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