She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize