8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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