I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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