You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
