she woke up with a sticky ear
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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