I cannot find my penis.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
