my sisters under your porch take her home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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