U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
