Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
