Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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