so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
