Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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