i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
