I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
