I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
