first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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