the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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