WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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