haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
