A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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