those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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