That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
