super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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