My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
