That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im six kinds of drunk right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
