He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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