my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
