I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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