i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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