Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
