3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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