My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have feelings that need drinking.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
