woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
