Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this just has baby written all over it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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