he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
