my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
