I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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