it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
