Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
