I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
