I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
