absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
