i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
