hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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