Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
