All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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