Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
