I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There r osticjed everywhere
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
