he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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