There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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