I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
