I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
