god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
