There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
