drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
