my mouth tastes like poor choices
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
