Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How does it feel to date your dad?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
