i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
