I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
