when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
