thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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