Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
