did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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