I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize