So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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