WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
