That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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