Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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