I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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