I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
