oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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