Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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