Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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