Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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