btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
