o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
