No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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