Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
