She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
