I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
