my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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