help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
